i've made a wrinkle
and it may not iron out.
i may have to live with
the wrinkle.
i somehow thought
i could take
my life,
(a relatively o.k.
life)
toss it up in the air,
do a major line change,
throw on hot chili peppers ...
and then expect all the pieces
to fall back into place again
when they hit the
pavement.
well ... i see
there's more than
one wrinkle.
there's big hard long ones
and smaller stubborn ones
they don't smooth out
by running my hand over them.
they don't smooth out
by spraying them with starch
and holding them down with the iron.
they just stand up at attention
like mountain ranges on a map.
there's pieces to my puzzle
that won't lay flat.
they're jagged and bent
and keep sticking up
to irritate me.
i press one edge down and
another pops up.
some of the colours have even faded
so that all the segments
don't match.
i wonder how i ever imagined
that everything would fit perfectly
again.
once a caterpillar or a snake
emerges from its skin,
it doesn't crawl back in again.
it doesn't fit.
there's a new skin.
something new has emerged.
i am something new.
i don't like
how i feel ...it's awkward and scary.
i don't know what
i have become.
i look in the mirror
and
my reflection is the same
but
my insides are seriously dishevelled.
i don't like the new wrinkles.
i don't like all the pieces that won't
fit.
i don't know how to learn
to live
with
a new map.
and it may not iron out.
i may have to live with
the wrinkle.
i somehow thought
i could take
my life,
(a relatively o.k.
life)
toss it up in the air,
do a major line change,
throw on hot chili peppers ...
and then expect all the pieces
to fall back into place again
when they hit the
pavement.
well ... i see
there's more than
one wrinkle.
there's big hard long ones
and smaller stubborn ones
they don't smooth out
by running my hand over them.
they don't smooth out
by spraying them with starch
and holding them down with the iron.
they just stand up at attention
like mountain ranges on a map.
there's pieces to my puzzle
that won't lay flat.
they're jagged and bent
and keep sticking up
to irritate me.
i press one edge down and
another pops up.
some of the colours have even faded
so that all the segments
don't match.
i wonder how i ever imagined
that everything would fit perfectly
again.
once a caterpillar or a snake
emerges from its skin,
it doesn't crawl back in again.
it doesn't fit.
there's a new skin.
something new has emerged.
i am something new.
i don't like
how i feel ...it's awkward and scary.
i don't know what
i have become.
i look in the mirror
and
my reflection is the same
but
my insides are seriously dishevelled.
i don't like the new wrinkles.
i don't like all the pieces that won't
fit.
i don't know how to learn
to live
with
a new map.
